Lesson Learned

8.15.17

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday and one I don’t want to forget.  I got home from work and met Ryan in the driveway because he was headed back into work, we said a quick hello and goodbye and I headed into the house.  Little man was doing something which he loves to do and that is to hid and see if we can find him (he always hides in the same spot, so it is pretty easy, but we play along).  I “found” him and he talked a little bit and then asked if we could go outside to play.  If I am being 100% honest that is the last thing I wanted to do, not that I didn’t want to spend time with him but I felt like there were other things that I needed to take care of.  I had just walked in the door from a busy day and if I was going to go outside that meant I needed to change out of my work clothes and that meant dinner wasn’t going to get started like I had planned.  You see (for those of you that know me, you already know this) but I am a planner, organizer and I have things planned in my head so that I can get everything done.  But at this moment our little guy didn’t care if dinner was started, he didn’t care if I had been at work all day, he didn’t care if my “plan” was going to be messed up…he cared that I would go outside and play with him.

I did go outside and play, we played games he came up with, he made up rules I would have never imagined, he laughed, he screamed with excitement, he ran and played and was sweaty and dirty but he had the time of his life.  He finds joy in the simple things, his imagination goes wild with just one or two things to play with, it is so fun to see life through his perspective.

We did come back inside after awhile because dinner still needed cooked (even if it was later than what I had originally planned).  As I was cooking dinner he was completely content to play with his cars and trucks in the kitchen and he would stop and talk to me, etc.  Then he looked at me and said “will you play cars with me?”  Sure, why not…dinner will happen (maybe not until 8 p.m. at this rate) but today I would never get back, I would never again have these moments to be able to just play and laugh with him, so I got down on the floor and we had car races.  Then he got some of his other toys (the figure pictured above) and he was coming up with all sorts of things and as I was laying on the ground and looked at the figure he had set there I saw the dirt on the floor, I saw the dust on the bench and truthfully my first thought was I need to get up and clean this up.  But then I stopped…he didn’t care about the dirt on the floor or the dust on the bench he cared that I was spending time with him, that I was playing the racing games he came up with, with the rules only he could imagine.  I knew he was having fun but I didn’t grasp the full reality of how much fun he was having until this morning.  He said to me before we left the house “will you play cars with me again?”  You see the dirt is still on the floor, the dust is still on the bench, there are dishes in the sink, but in those moments last night he felt he was the most important.

Lesson learned…dust can wait, but little boys won’t stay little.  I think that this may be even more real for me because we don’t know when we might get a call that he is leaving us, or we might found out that he is staying indefinitely, we really don’t know.  So for now we will soak up these moments and continue to do all we can do to make him feel loved and treasured, to let him be a little boy for a little while longer and laugh and sing till his hearts content.

RLG

 

Choices

8.09.17

Think how many choices you have already made today, think how many times you have weighed out the pros and cons related to the choice you were going to make, think how fast you made that choice.

Now think how “marred” your choices would be if in your (short) life all your normal had been turned upside, think how the choices of others had affected you so “negatively” and brought trauma and so much unknown into your life.  How different of choices would you make? or would you really care about the choices that you make?  or that the choices that you do make affect those that are caring for you in a negative, not so nice way?

There is so much unknown when we deal with a situation that is presented to us now as we care for our little man.  We try to think of why he made the “choice” he made when he makes a bad choice, we try to think of what his mind might be thinking when he made that decision, what he thinks the results of that choice might be, and does he realize his choices affect more than himself?

I told Ryan today that I feel we are learning more about parenting than we probably would have learned if we had been blessed with biological children, because we have had to approach parenting in a way that neither of us had experienced or the way we thought we would parent.  But thankfully we have each other to talk things through with and made decisions together when at all possible to see how we can make a positive impact and help our little guy work through different things he is dealing with that he may never tell us.

One day at a time! (or like this morning, oh second at a time)

RLG

Hodge-Podge…

8.7.17

There is so much to say, but it feels so hodge-podge just bear with me, this is definitely one those posts that makes sense to us but most likely will feel so “unconnected” to others.

Little man had some hard days at the beginning of the week but Thursday morning he woke up completely different than he had been, this was a HUGE answer to prayer.  You see he is 5 (almost 6) and he remembers EVERYTHING it seems from what he has experienced in the past.   So one small thing that seems insignificant to us can be HUGE for him.  One emblem on a car reminds him of people that he loves but that he doesn’t get to see hardly at all anymore.  One picture in a book can bring back a flood of memories, some good and some not so good.  One trip in the car can make him remember trips in the past.  One sighting of a dog that looks like his dog makes him reminisce about the dog that he loves but no longer sees.  But the opposite is true also, he knows that in our home he has his toys, his bedroom, his familiar things that he knows and things that are his and he loves to be at home in the familiar space.

He has been with us for 20 days…that is all but we quickly established a routine and the week days are very similar each day and he thrives on that routine.  He knows that Monday-Friday he goes to “school” for a couple of hours and then Ryan picks him up.  He knows that on Sunday we go to church.  He knows that the bedtime routine includes a song, Bible story, prayer and lots of hugs and kisses.  We also want him to know that we love him and each day the decisions we make we are trying to do what is best for him.

Ryan and I were talking last night before falling asleep how much we have learned in the last 20 days about parenting and how much we have yet to learn but are thankful that we don’t need to know everything right now, but take things one moment at a time. People have said to us many times in the last 3 weeks they don’t know how we are doing it but to be honest we don’t know how to do it either, except by God’s grace and wisdom for each new moment.  We never in a million years thought that our first experience as parents would be with a 5 year old, but God knew.  God knew exactly what that would look like.  Right now we have an overwhelming need that we didn’t foresee two years ago, when we made a huge decision but God knew and God has it completely under control.  Do we know how He is going to take care of that need?  Absolutely not, but He didn’t bring us to this point in our lives to just let us “hang out to dry” so we will trust knowing that His plan is perfect.

Our dear church family is doing a “Welcome to Parenthood” celebration and we are beyond blessed that they are celebrating with us this new chapter in our lives just as if he were our biological child, even though he is our foster son.  We are thankful that the Lord lead us to our church only a year ago when we moved an hour away from our families and our familiar territory.  Once again God had the perfect plan.

You see what I mean…complete mis-match of things but things we don’t want to forget and we want to be able to look back and remember.

RLG

 

Peaches ‘n Cream

8.2.17

This week we have been reminded that things aren’t always “Peaches ‘n Cream”.  Sunday night on our way home from church I have no idea how it came up but one of us said something about wanting Peaches ‘n Cream.  When I hear the phrase “Peaches ‘n Cream” I think, “life is good, things are going well”, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so blessed and my life is very good, but sometimes there are bumps in the road.

Sunday night several hours after going to bed I hear over the baby monitor little man calling for “Daddy”.  I wake up Ryan and he goes quickly upstairs…as I listen I figure out that he had gotten sick.  I quickly gathered up some things and went up stairs to help out as well.  We got all of that taken care of and go back to bed and pray that he is okay and that he can go back to sleep.

Tuesday morning I worked from home until Ryan got off work and it was a rough morning.  It is obvious our little guy is dealing with so much and trying to process all the change that has happened in his short life.  Ryan was able to get him to talk and he shared what he was thinking and it was a small glimpse into how his little mind is thinking about all of these strange people, places etc.  But it was also a sharp dose of reality for me that even though I have done everything to be his “mother” for the last two weeks he doesn’t connect the dots to see that.  He sees me more of a reason to be able to go back to his birth mom, he thinks that if he doesn’t obey me that means he can go back to mom.  I will admit it was very painful to think that even though I love him and take care of him like a mom loves and takes care of their child he isn’t willing to accept that. They told us in training that things like this could happen, they warned us, prepared us, etc but for it to happen in your own home with a child that you have given every ounce of your energy too the last two weeks was a huge growing experience for me.

I am sure we will have more tough moments, I am sure that we will continue to have fun and joyous times as well and I am so thankful that each day is a fresh start to love and be loved by others and love, to be loved and to be forgiven by God.

Life isn’t always “Peaches ‘n Cream”

RLG