75 Days


75 days…so hard to believe it has only been 75 days since we saw that blonde headed, brown eyed boy for the first time in person and were introduced as Ryan and Renae to a little guy that needed a new family.  And to be completely transparent we were probably just as scared as he was that Wednesday afternoon in July.  Every once in awhile he will mention to us something like “Mom do you remember…” and mention a detail about that first meeting, so it is en-grained in his mind as much as it is in ours.

We have had good days, bad days, terrible days and this weekend we had TWO amazing days!  This past Saturday and Sunday were the two best days so far.  He was just a different little boy.  We went to bed Saturday night and Ryan said to me…”all day I was wondering when the shoe was going to drop”…meaning when we would see the little man that we were used to.  But it seems maybe we have had a major break thru.  We hope he understands as much as a little 5 year old mind can, that we love him, that we are going to take care of him, that no matter what he does or says that we will still give him food to eat, a bed to sleep in, etc.  He really truly is a sweet little boy and when he wraps his arms around your neck just to tell you he loves you, all the hard times seem to melt away.

We have had so many friends, family, etc tell us they are praying for us and random text messages just to encourage and fun mail just to let us know they are thinking about us.  It has been amazing to watch how this little guy has affected so many other lives in our little “circle” in such a short amount of time.

He has a birthday this month and it will be fun to celebrate him on that day!  We truly feel blessed.



Too Much Happy…?

happinessHappiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. It’s the opposite of sadness. Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness.


It has been an emotional couple of days and a roller coaster for dealing with new things with Little man.  We truly never know what a day may hold and as we go to sleep each night we ask for more wisdom and grace for the new day.  Each day we are learning more and more about this little guy and learning more and more how we can improve as parents for him.

He told us through sobbing and tears on Tuesday night “that we have made him too happy”.  I can’t even begin to imagine a 5 year old thinking that he doesn’t deserve to be happy, that he doesn’t deserve love, care, respect and fun things.  Or maybe he knows in his heart he is becoming completely attached to us and he is afraid that he will have to leave?  Again, I just can’t imagine a 5 year old having to think about these things.

Hearing this just makes my heart break for all the other children that have those similar feelings because they haven’t been able to experience love and care like they deserve. We told him that he has made us very happy also and there is nothing wrong with being happy.

Is there someone’s life you can bring happiness to today?  Do it!  You won’t regret it, I promise.




Just wanted to give a quick update on how things are going with our little guy.

He has adjusted well since coming to live in our home.  We are “Daddy” and “Mommy” to him and I don’t even know if he remembers our first names anymore.  We are fine with Daddy and Mommy but it can get sticky around birth mom.  But he made the choice (without us mentioning anything about those name) to call us that, so we go with it.

We love him so much and we are beyond blessed to have him in our home.  He was the first one to for us to “parent” and no doubt we have made many, many mistakes, but we just keep taking one moment at a time and hope to make a difference in his life (even if it is just a small one).

He LOVES school!  He is extremely social and loves to be with his “friends”.  We are thankful that we have had no issues with him not wanting to go etc.  He truly thrives on the routine of going to school.  I never knew kindergartners had homework…but I have since learned, they do!!!

We still have our moments with behavior issues but I am sure it is that way with any 5 year old.  His birthday is coming up and that will be fun to celebrate with him.

He loves, loves, loves his “Daddy”.  There is no way to explain how much he loves Ryan, it is amazing to see.

He will eat literally ANYTHING we eat, now it might take him an hour to eat it (because he is talking and anything distracts him) but he loves him some food.  He is constantly hungry and some meals eats more than I do.  We are glad that he has a great appetite and is willing to try new things, even Brussel Sprouts!

We have court in November so we are hoping to learn more about the length of time we may have him.  Things can change so quickly so we have learned to go with the flow and even the “flow” can become a “hurricane” pretty quick, but what happens in the end is always what the Lord wants to happen.

Thank you to each of you that has reached out with love and care, given advice, answered questions and just was an encouragement, it means the world to us as we continue on this journey.






“Grief” can come in many forms and can rear its ugly head so quickly with just a word or something that might remind of the past.  Little man has been dealing with a lot of sadness and missing his birth mom and grandfather lately.  He has just recently become verbal about it and when we sit and talk about what he is thinking and feeling it is interesting to hear his perspective.  With him being 5 he remembers so much, and we don’t want him to forget those good things but showing and teaching him that acting out and bad behavior isn’t appropriate when he is sad is an on-going challenge.

Try to imagine 5 years of your life just being snatched away in an instant and not being able to go back to those familiar places right now and have those familiar things and see your family daily; that is traumatic right there.  I can’t even imagine.  Everyone keeps telling us that those first 5 years are the foundation, building block, and formative days of a child’s life, so that “foundation” that he knows is completely different than what we have at our home.  So not only is he dealing with loss, but also a 360 degree change from what he has known and in his little mind he most likely is thinking, will I leave this “mommy and daddy” and go to another set of “parents”?; that is so much for a child to process.  It is no wonder that those thoughts and feelings of “grief” come out in his behavior.

We let him talk when he wants to talk about his past, we let him share with us the things he misses, etc., but we still are not the life he “knows”.  He laughs a lot, he has fun playing, he gets along great with the kids he knows, he is very affectionate but still there is that part of him that is “grieving” but we will continue to love, protect and care for him even in those moments of “grief”.

He has impacted our lives so deeply in the short 50 days that we have had him in our home, we are blessed.


Always Learning


In 7 weeks…we have learned or been reminded that:

  • we may never know what all is going through little man’s mind
  • “things” don’t “satisfy” because there is always the thought that he needs something else
  • we have so much to learn
  • little man LOVES grilled cheese sandwhiches
  • affects of rejection can rear it’s ugly head in the most unlikely ways
  • I hate high-top sneakers with zippers!!!!!!
  • support system is definitely needed and valued
  • a five year old can get up with an alarm clock
  • just plain tomatoes are a hit
  • toothpaste all over the bathroom sink is the new normal
  • remembering to flush the toilet is so hard! 😉
  • when you drink something super cold, really quick you get a “freeze brain”!!!
  • making up songs to sing means he is happy
  • “homework” is more frustrating for mom than little man
  • dad is amazing at helping him make his treasure box for school
  • swimming is definitely a favorite
  • his hair stands straight UP without gel
  • Tristan is now “Christian” because Tristan is “too hard of a name to say”
  • prayer warriors are so treasured
  • baths with cold water is the only way
  • the reward for eating lunch is “a fully belly”
  • the county is very hard to deal with
  • document, document, document
  • 18 more weeks of parenting classes is too long!!! 😦
  • stalling tactics at bed time can include literally ANYTHING
  • whatever “dad” eats is what he likes also (seriously…even salad)
  • in his opinion I have “big hair”
  • hiding when he knows one of us is coming home and wanting us to find him

I am sure there are things I have forgotten but in a couple of months to be able to look back and see how much we have grown and changed will be fun!  Seven weeks today…


Six Weeks


It is truly hard to believe that just 6 weeks ago today we met our little guy for the very first time.  It is hard to believe just how much we have learned from him and have grown as people.  It is crazy to think that less than 24 hours after we found out he would be coming to our home, we became parents for the very first time and less than 24 hours after he was in our home he was calling Ryan “Daddy”.  It has been six weeks of immense change for Ryan and I, having been married over 3 years and just the two of us in the home and only two schedules to think about, things changed OVERNIGHT!  We have had to make changes and I am sure we will continue to make changes as we adjust and adapt to meeting the needs for little man, but it has been good!

Yesterday he started school, Kindergarten!  He was so excited and had a great first day. He has an amazing teacher also that he talks about all the time, so we are excited about this new adventure for him.

Last night after a full day of work, school, working on getting into a good routine, I looked at Ryan and said “some days it feels like we have had him forever and other days it feels like we just met him yesterday”.  We have definitely tried to establish routine because he thrives on knowing what is next, what is happening the next day etc.  He knows that weekdays we have school, then play time, dinner, bath and bed.  Weekends are not as much routine but typically include Birth Mom visit, errands (when needed), lots of play time, church, etc.

This morning after I dropped him off at school I got to thinking, I wonder how he feels?  Does he feel like he has known us “forever” or just a day or two?  Does he feel like this is “home” (even if just for a short time or forever)?  What goes through his little mind?  We may never know the answers to these questions, we may never understand what is going through his head, although at times some things he says and information he shares gives us a little more insight into what he has experienced.

Each day I try to remind myself to take each day one moment at a time as we have no idea what the next moment may hold.


Lesson Learned


I learned a valuable lesson yesterday and one I don’t want to forget.  I got home from work and met Ryan in the driveway because he was headed back into work, we said a quick hello and goodbye and I headed into the house.  Little man was doing something which he loves to do and that is to hid and see if we can find him (he always hides in the same spot, so it is pretty easy, but we play along).  I “found” him and he talked a little bit and then asked if we could go outside to play.  If I am being 100% honest that is the last thing I wanted to do, not that I didn’t want to spend time with him but I felt like there were other things that I needed to take care of.  I had just walked in the door from a busy day and if I was going to go outside that meant I needed to change out of my work clothes and that meant dinner wasn’t going to get started like I had planned.  You see (for those of you that know me, you already know this) but I am a planner, organizer and I have things planned in my head so that I can get everything done.  But at this moment our little guy didn’t care if dinner was started, he didn’t care if I had been at work all day, he didn’t care if my “plan” was going to be messed up…he cared that I would go outside and play with him.

I did go outside and play, we played games he came up with, he made up rules I would have never imagined, he laughed, he screamed with excitement, he ran and played and was sweaty and dirty but he had the time of his life.  He finds joy in the simple things, his imagination goes wild with just one or two things to play with, it is so fun to see life through his perspective.

We did come back inside after awhile because dinner still needed cooked (even if it was later than what I had originally planned).  As I was cooking dinner he was completely content to play with his cars and trucks in the kitchen and he would stop and talk to me, etc.  Then he looked at me and said “will you play cars with me?”  Sure, why not…dinner will happen (maybe not until 8 p.m. at this rate) but today I would never get back, I would never again have these moments to be able to just play and laugh with him, so I got down on the floor and we had car races.  Then he got some of his other toys (the figure pictured above) and he was coming up with all sorts of things and as I was laying on the ground and looked at the figure he had set there I saw the dirt on the floor, I saw the dust on the bench and truthfully my first thought was I need to get up and clean this up.  But then I stopped…he didn’t care about the dirt on the floor or the dust on the bench he cared that I was spending time with him, that I was playing the racing games he came up with, with the rules only he could imagine.  I knew he was having fun but I didn’t grasp the full reality of how much fun he was having until this morning.  He said to me before we left the house “will you play cars with me again?”  You see the dirt is still on the floor, the dust is still on the bench, there are dishes in the sink, but in those moments last night he felt he was the most important.

Lesson learned…dust can wait, but little boys won’t stay little.  I think that this may be even more real for me because we don’t know when we might get a call that he is leaving us, or we might found out that he is staying indefinitely, we really don’t know.  So for now we will soak up these moments and continue to do all we can do to make him feel loved and treasured, to let him be a little boy for a little while longer and laugh and sing till his hearts content.